If you're caring for someone in palliative care, you may feel a quiet ache: I want to make the most of this time, but I don't know how. Maybe they're tired, in and out of sleep, or harder to reach than they used to be. That feeling is one of the most common — and most human — parts of caregiving.
The good news is that meaningful connection rarely depends on energy or words. Below are fifteen activities, grouped by how much the person can take part today. Choose one. That's enough.
When they're resting (very low energy)
Play their favorite music
Put on a song that meant something to them. You don't have to talk. Sit together, hold their hand, and let the music do what words can't.
Breathe together
Five slow breaths, side by side. Inhale for four counts, exhale for six. It steadies both of you — and it's something you can do when nothing else feels possible.
The comfort of touch
Hold their hand. Gently massage lotion into their hands or feet. Brush their hair. Touch communicates safety and love when conversation is too much.
Read aloud to them
A psalm, a poem, a chapter of a favorite book, an old letter. Your voice is familiar and grounding, whether or not they respond.
When they're sitting up (a little energy)
Look through old photos
Open a photo album or phone gallery and let them tell the stories. It's okay if they repeat them. The telling is the gift — for them and for you.
Ask one gentle memory question
Try: "What's a memory that always makes you smile?" or "What were you most proud of?" Then listen, without rushing. You may hear things you'll treasure forever.
Share a small ritual
A cup of tea. A favorite scent. A window opened to feel the air. Familiar sensory rituals bring comfort and a sense of normal life.
Record their voice or words
With their permission, record a short message, a story, or just everyday talk. These recordings become irreplaceable later.
When they're up and moving (more energy)
A few minutes outside
Sunlight, a garden, the sound of birds. Even a short time near a window or doorway can lift the spirit.
Simple, adapted crafts
Coloring, arranging flowers, sorting photographs into an album. Low-pressure, hands-on, and shared.
Write a letter together
To a grandchild, a friend, or the future. Helping them put words to what matters can be profoundly meaningful for everyone.
Activities that comfort you, the caregiver
You can't pour from an empty cup. These matter as much as anything above.
- Write down how you feel — privately, with no filter. Expressive writing is shown to lower caregiver stress.
- Name one thing you're grateful for today, however small.
- Let go of guilt. Perfect caregiving doesn't exist. You are doing enough.
- Keep a record of the good moments — they become the memories that carry you afterward.
Keep these moments in one gentle place
Alongside is a free app for caregivers and families in palliative care. It helps you organize tasks and medication, suggests science-backed activities adapted to your loved one's energy, holds a private space for your own feelings — and lets you export a keepsake of the time you shared.
Open Alongside — free →Not sure what to say? How to Talk to a Dying Parent →
Frequently asked questions
What activities can you do with someone who has very little energy?
Low-energy moments are some of the most meaningful: favorite music, holding hands in silence, looking at old photos, shared breathing, or reading aloud. Connection matters far more than activity.
Do activities really help at the end of life?
Yes. Music therapy and reminiscence are associated with reduced anxiety, stronger emotional connection, and lower anticipatory grief for both patients and caregivers.
How do I connect with a loved one who is hard to reach?
Lower the pressure for conversation. Use sensory anchors — music, touch, familiar scents, photographs. Ask gentle, open memory questions, and let silence be okay. Your presence is the connection.
This guide is for emotional and practical support and does not replace medical advice. Always follow the guidance of your loved one's palliative care team.